Relationship red flags is when the object of your affection does something or says something that makes you uncomfortable and raises questions about the relationship.

Your relationship should bring you joy, happiness, and connection. Conversely, your relationship might be in trouble if you feel anxious, sad, or depressed around your partner.

Many signs indicate unhealthy relationships. This list doesn’t cover all of them. However, it may be able to point out potential problems.

Relationship Red Flags

Love Bombing

“Love bombing” is one of the biggest relationship red flags; it is when your partner becomes invested very early on. The love bomber is manipulative, will talk all you want about your future, lavish you with affection and grandiose statements of love, and force you to fall in love with them. Love bombing is most common in narcissists. It also goes hand in hand with other harmful relationship traits such as gaslighting or emotional abuse.

An Obsession With Social Media

Even though social media and social networks have become heavily inundated in our daily lives, it is important to be cautious about someone who is too into their social network profile. This can indicate that the person is self-absorbed or insecure, which 74% of Hinge users consider a red flag.

Lack Of Communication

Communication is key to any relationship. If your partner doesn’t seem to be listening or responding to your messages and texts while you are speaking, it may indicate that they are disconnected from you or distracted. Try to have a conversation with your partner to determine if there are ways you can get along with your communication styles.

Controlling Or Jealous Behavior

Some jealousy is normal in relationships. However, if your partner starts to control your plans, what clothes you wear, where you go, or isolates you from your friends or family, this could indicate emotional abuse. And this is one of the biggest relationship red flags.

Bad Relationships With Friends Or Family

Poor family relationships and negative comments about friends or family can be a cause of concern. However, before deciding whether it’s a deal-breaker, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps their upbringing has made it difficult for them to be close to family, but they’ve worked hard in cultivating a strong “chosen family” in their group of friends.

Extreme Emotional Reactions

Unmanageable emotions or easily flying off the handle are relationship red flags. For example, if someone responds with uncontrollable anger or “silent treatment,” it could point to future abusive (physical and emotional) behavior. Also, a lack of empathy could indicate that they are void of emotion or care. In other words, you want someone whose emotions can be controlled and appropriate to the situation.

Alcohol Or Substance Abuse

Someone who can’t control their alcohol consumption (and not just on one occasion) or uses excessive amounts of substances could be a sign they have an addiction. A serious conversation is the first step in this situation. Consider it a deal-breaker if your partner has a problem with binge drinking and refuses help. It’s the same as waiting for a time bomb to go off. However, if your partner can recognize the problem and seek help, it can deepen your relationship.

Gaslighting

One of the relationship red flags is gaslighting. Gaslighting is an increasingly popular topic in modern dating. It basically means that a person blames you for something they did or holds you accountable for how they responded to a situation. Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that can make you feel insecure and doubt your sanity. Trust your gut if something doesn’t feel right and get out of the relationship.

Downright Abusive Behavior

Some of the red flags mentioned above can be considered emotional abuse. However, it is important to reiterate: If someone verbally or emotionally abuses or puts you in danger, you need to get out as quickly as possible. These are the types of relationship red flags that should never be ignored. If you’re in danger, it’s not a red flag. It is a stop signal.

How to Better Spot Relationship Red Flags

We often see red flags when the love-spell fog has worn off in a new relationship. How many times did you spot a red flag after a relationship ended? There are several ways you can improve your red flag radar.

First, make a list of relationship red flags you have seen in the past. This is especially important if you tend to overlook them. The next time you notice these characteristics in a potential partner, run in the opposite direction. The sooner you recognize a red flag, the more time you and your partner will save. Remember that relationships are a learning process. Take what you learn from one and apply it to the next.

The Bottom Line

If you notice a relationship red flags, don’t ignore them or hope they will go away by themselves. 

Ask yourself why it bothers you, discuss your concern with your partner, and either work through it or end a relationship.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE (7233) if you or someone you care about is suffering from domestic violence.